Okay yeah so Jay's back.

My Jay. My husband. My baby. My everything.

Why am I not so much as a fangirl for him anymore? I don't know why. I can't summon enough energy to squeal over him, write stories about him, I can't even sigh in the middle of the road and think about his smile. I guess I realized that the Jay now, the one posting YouTube videos and cheesing it for the fans, isn't the Jay I'm in love with. Yes, ultimately, he's still the same ol' Jay Park. But that certain spark in him is gone. The spark of passion? The spark of leadership? I sure as hell don't know.

Being a Jay fangirl is definitely not easy. I for one, had severe issues with his departure. But was it worth it? Was all the pain worth it? At that point it my life, yes. But now, I just don't know.

I once thought about how my life would be without Jay, without K-Pop, even. But truth it, I can't imagine life without them. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, it's always everywhere.

Sometimes, I can't run away.