Fine. I officially smiled again when I remembered that he actually brought along his notebook AND his mouse back to Seattle. This sucks. Really, it does. I couldn't seem to find enough strength to go to school on Monday, but thanks to my friends, I managed. I went home early today though, I was feeling sick kuhz.. yeah, whatever. So here I am, not caring about life, being the delusional loser I am. I'm becoming an LBR. Gah.

And fine, I hate to say this, but I really agree with Paris Hilton's quote: "Dress cute wherever you go, because life is too short to blend in" Its true, you know. There really is more to life than just to live. The world is one huge unexplored stage, and we can't always stay in the limelight. Maybe that's why I've been translating loads of poems these days. God, I am trying my best to be the same 'ol me, but it is really hard. How could I, after this cataclysm happened? And great, my form teacher wants to talk to me tomorrow. The Talk.

I've been listening to English songs these days, and some of the lyrics are really meaningful. I mean, yeah, I've gotta make out what they were actually singing, but when I found out the lyrics, I was thinking, "Hell yeah, you got me at this line".

So, yeah, cheers to Jay. Thanks to what happened, I REALLY pray hard now. Like, seriously.

And to all Hottests around this globe:
When it falls apart
And you're feeling lost
All your hope is gone
Don't forget to
Hold On.

I've been telling people, "Two more weeks, give me two more weeks to recover" But I figured out, two weeks, two months, two years, and I'll still carry around that scar in my heart. It's never going to be healed, but it's not the end either. Because there's always some beauty even in the saddest moments. Believe in yourself, keep the faith, and hold on. Together, we're going to make this right again, all of us Hottests. Though I doubt my dad would fancy me pasting Post-Its around the shop.

And this if for Jay/Park Jay/Park Jae Bum:
I know that you're the on that's feeling the worst right now. We Hottests are selfish to think that you might come back. Because we are clueless about what's really happening. So I'm going to take this time and apologize on behalf of everyone, for making you feel like ten loads of shit. But seriously Jay, not only your fans are saving your career, even stars are. Without you Wild Bunny becomes tame. Without you, it's 9 Points Out of Ten. I finally plucked up the courage to listen to You Might Come Back yesterday. And bless the irony. Who knew that you singing the words 'You might come back' so passionately actually came true? Only now, its the reverse. We want you to come back. but you might no want to. So like I said, we love you, we want you, and we'll wait for you.

Lovelovelove(?)
Lee Myung Hee.

Don't cry, don't say goodbye.

Labels: Message From My Heart

When you love someone and they break your heart
Don't give up on love, have faith, restart
Just hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on

When it falls apart and you're feeling lost
All your hope is gone, don't forget to hold on
Hold on

The rundown on how I officially ended my life. I remembered the night before everything started.I happily finishing up chapter nine of Some Like it Secret.The last thing I remembered writing was about Jae Bum and me becoming friends in front of my townhouse next to the 63 Building. I went to sleep with a smile.The next day, I had to go to Kallang. I was on allkpop when I first found out about the incident. I dismissed it, thinking it would cool down, somehow. So i chatted with Soo Mi, planning to make a trailer for the fanfiction. Little did I know that the situation wasworsening with every word I typed.

Flash forward, the day I really lost everything. 080909. I could hardly breathe when I read the news.I was shaking so much, even my cousin pointed it out, and she was usually ignorant. I didn't even manage the counter that day. I sat inside the room, clutching my latop, frnatically refreshing 2ONEDAY's twitter page for updates and signing up for every petition i could get my hands on. That day was the day I cried and lost control. My cousin tried to calm me down, saying that thsi was all to make him more popular. But it was obviously not true. I held back my tears in front of the customers. But when the news came out thathe was at the airport, I really lost it. I stopped working all together and tweeted like hell.

When the plane took off, I lost my equilibrium.I was stumbling around everywhere,I couldn't see straight.I know most girls would go home and cry their hearts out, but I dragged myself to Leisure Park and bought everything that reminded me of him. Dried mangoes, Shikhae, I emptied out almost half of Sol Mart. The amount I spent I didnt care. I was losing control of myself,and it was scary.I almost ran out of the shop to hail a cab to take me straight to the airport. I set my phone time as Seattle, thinking it would make me feel closer to him.But with every step I take, the further he slips away. I really hated my position I held that very day.

Wanting to help, but helpless.

Once I reached home,I forced myself to smile in front of my mom.But she noticed the dark rings around my eyes.I ran into my room, locked the door, and cried.Usually I cried silently. But that time, I had to stuff the pillow into my mouth to muffle the sounds coming out.I crept into my sleeping room a little after eleven. I tried to sleep, but I couldnt. I wept all the way till one 06 am. The next day was no better. When I saw the fanvideo of him reaching Seattle, I cried so much, my heart telling me that somehow, he wont come back. I refused to listen to You Might Come Back.I blocked out all 2PM's songs from my mp3/PC. I lcoked myself in the room most of the day. I cried, but mostly, I thought. I thought how happy he would be reunited with his family.

I still never smiled though. I tried smiling in front of the mirror, but it was so obvious my eyes were saying something else.I started to pray again. I didnt know what else I could do. I tried to block him out, but suddenly,
everything reminded me of him.I was flipping through the latest issue of female, when I stopped at one page and broke down. They were doing a style section that looked just like his I Hate You outfit.

There is nothing else for me to do.
Moving on seems so hard.
So I'll just hope.
& Wait.

Labels: credits to Jonas Brothers

Korean netizens just make me wanna puke sometimes. I'm sorry if this is a bad start to what is going to lead to a whole essay, but I am simply stating the truth. I am sure by now almost everyone who is a K-Popper is aware of the controversy between idols and netizens. Let me get straight to the point, and by that, I mean let's go to the beginning. No, you dont have to go back to the Big Bang, or the day you were born, but rather, on September 5th.


2PM's leader Park Jae Bum has sparked outrage and anger among Korean fans all because of his myspace comments. Fine, I can understand that he may have sounded quite harsh and conceited, but get this, THE COMMENTS WERE DATED 2005-2007! If you have brains and something called common sense and maybe something called a calendar, you would know that this is the year 2009. TWO THOUSAND NINE. What does this mean? This means that those comments were IN THE PAST.

You know, there is something called 'change' and 'adaptation'. My dear readers, let me tell you, when I first moved in 2005, I freaking hated everything about Woodlands. I hated my school, I hated not having my old friends, I hated EVERYTHING. I would go to school everyday and just stare, occasionally cursing this Australian guy called Jeremy because he was annoying, and I would go home and train. I thought that working harder would get me out of that school. But hell no, I stayed put. So I changed my tactic, I forced myself to adapt. I forced myself to like Woodlands, and here I am now,a good four years later, perfectly fine. So Koreans, why don't you try to put yourselves in Jae Bum's shoes for once? And to Korean-Americans, why can't you empathize? Didn't you go through the same process? sure, Jae Bum may have made it public that he hated Korea, but didn't he apologize? And he didn't say sorry once, hell no, he said it four times. And I'm sure in his heart he's very apologetic. He was immature at the time he wrote those comments, and obviously, he has changed.

So Koreans, are you willing to forget all those particularly choice Again&Again performances, those amazing acrobatics, all those quirky comments made my them, just because of a few worthless comments? Judging from how you are reacting now, I don't think so. As a human, you have to attempt to rationalize the dichotomy between personal emotions and reality. You have to LET GO.

Okay, you Koreans love 2NE1 right? So, why can't you act like YOU DON'T CARE? Just for once, can't you people not overreact like a bunch of immature, senseless kids? Why can't you guys close one eye and FORGIVE AND FORGET? Hell, you even bashed Woo Young's cyworld just because he wanted to support his fellow member? Isn't the saying "One for all, all for one" known worldwide? Heck, even me and my friends use it as our motto. If one falls, the rest would be there to be a support.

I'm sorry if I sound very harsh and rude, there's only so much a fourteen-year old adolescent could say. Unlike you Koreans, I was brought up to look at reality in different points of view. I am not attacking the Koreans, I am just very unhappy with their actions. I seriously find writing a petition to stop 2PM's activities and kicking Jae Bum out of a reality program too over-the-top. Hey, G-Dragon has done worse things. He said "Shit" on TV, and did ya remember the "I Love Sex?" badges? So why aren't you stopping Big Bang's activities? Not that I want you to, I'm just pointing out an example. Trust me, don't waste your time. Go support DBSK instead.

written by GD-Babyism.

Labels: credits to allkpop