my heart's your pin cushion.

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July 5, 2010@5:38 PM

broken glass.

Jay. In. Singapore.

Should I go? I'm stressing out, but now that I think about it, I don't know why. I mean, its not like I never met Jay in real life before. I know for a fact that he looks haggard (well, two years ago anyway)

But should I go? I need answers before Saturday. Anyone? Help me?

June 17, 2010@9:24 AM

let's start with the eyes.

You know when I start posts with my eyes it means that its probably gonna be a long weird post full of rubbish. You can choose to ignore this, or you can stick with me and read it. Doesn't really make a difference to me anyway.

So yes, basically for that long, dark duration when I stopped blogging, I was going around Singapore trying to figure out why the hell am I still living here. But really, all I wanted to know was why I am still living. Period.

I am not a true fan of Park Jaebum. Yes I'm using his stage name. okay sure I may be one of those with the most pictures of him, I may have picked him up at the airport, I may have bought some clothes of his, but in true reality, I.Am.Not.A.Jaebum.Fan.

Because hardcore fans always say that if their idol left, they would die. So far, only one fan committed suicide because of the Jaebum Departure. Is she the only true fan of his?

Enough about him. I don't want my life to be only about him.

I woke up to my find jeans discolored.

The color is so much lighter than when I first wore it. Forgot to tell my maid it was hand-wash only -.- Aish.

When to Novena Square 2 with Hanna and got muhself froyo cos I missed it too much. We were there for some K-Pop dance thing but turned up at the wrong time -.- And some weirdos told us to fill in some Korean Tourism survey. Like I said, WEIRDOS.

Some pictures from Serene's wedding at Sentosa. Uhh.. Amra (something like that) Hotel. Nice place. And the cupcakes are from her cousin's cafe, 2AM. I know.

At Marina with my cousin. DO NOT TRY STARBUCKS' LEMON HIBISCUS JUICE. It gave me a fucking headache. Service there wasn't good. Tsk.

This is the best way to use Omegle. Always arm yourself with a Post-It lest some dude flashes at you. And that happened to me too many times. There are some incredibly hot ones though.

My day out with Yunii.Went to Orchard the day before the flood. Got our froyo and went to Skate Park. I saw this gorgeous sweet amazing Australian (I think) sitting by his lonesome at the station. I hyperventilated cos he was just so hot. Guess I don't really dig Asians anymore.

I snuck my green tea soy latte and fruit cup into the library. But I didn't have to fear getting caught. The guy working at the cafe also happens to be the barista at Starbucks!

All in all, my life is lame.

June 12, 2010@4:19 PM

hold your chin up, baby

Okay yeah so Jay's back.

My Jay. My husband. My baby. My everything.

Why am I not so much as a fangirl for him anymore? I don't know why. I can't summon enough energy to squeal over him, write stories about him, I can't even sigh in the middle of the road and think about his smile. I guess I realized that the Jay now, the one posting YouTube videos and cheesing it for the fans, isn't the Jay I'm in love with. Yes, ultimately, he's still the same ol' Jay Park. But that certain spark in him is gone. The spark of passion? The spark of leadership? I sure as hell don't know.

Being a Jay fangirl is definitely not easy. I for one, had severe issues with his departure. But was it worth it? Was all the pain worth it? At that point it my life, yes. But now, I just don't know.

I once thought about how my life would be without Jay, without K-Pop, even. But truth it, I can't imagine life without them. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, it's always everywhere.

Sometimes, I can't run away.

June 3, 2010@6:07 PM

sing me to sleep

I have my future planned out. I never knew it would play such a big role in life. I thought I could spend my life working under my dad's company. But I realized that if I wanna be happy, I should get my shit straight and start planning my future.

My DREAM is to become a stylist. of course, that is still within my reach but like my dad said, the demand for stylists isn't that high. So I threw that dream away.

Reality is, my dad wants me to be a lawyer under corporate law. I guess that is possible. After all, I am in the school debate team and I'm a bitch. So adding those up, i have a pretty decent head start. To become a lawyer I need to aim for Junior College, not for Polytechnic, like I had originally planned. I have to maintain straight A's for all subjects and still manage my social, academic, and personal life. Furthermore, Junior College life is pretty damn competitive, and I have to cultivate the habits of self-studying.To become a lawyer, I have to get at least B3's for my General Papers, I have to take written exams and I have to go for interviews. Other help-outlets? Not a problem. I should be grateful to my mom and dad for having connections.

I aim to achieve a degree. Diplomas ain't gonna cut it. After JC, I will go to law school, or maybe Ivy League? If I start studying, I should make it. i am sure of it. Positive.

Why I set high standards for myself? Because I don't wanna end up like normal Malays. they almost never go after their dreams, and most end up fucked-up and go to jail anyway. Thank god thank god thank god I have Chinese/Indonesian/Arabian blood.

I hope I get scholarships. less expenses = more money for me to shop if I end up staying in Washington with my godmother.

Yeah I still think about being an Arts student every now and then. I can try applying for School of the Arts, but once again, like my daddy said, the demand for arts in Singapore is very little.

Sigh. I should start studying now. Wish me luck.

been real,
g d b a b y i s m.

Labels: dont pick me up, when i fall